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Author Topic: not sure how i feel about this offer  (Read 2633 times)

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Offline Spurcell922

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not sure how i feel about this offer
« on: February 13, 2014, 05:08:31 PM »
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  • Right now we have the kids in full time day care.  Short of a few glitches here and there, I feel like they are a great place for us because of their location, love for kids, and experience with Type 1 (Chris is their fourth child).  I was speaking to my MIL the other day, and she was talking about retiring this summer.  I asked her what she was going to do, and she mentioned that she was interested in watching the kids a couple days a week.  Since Chris was diagnosed she's only watched Chris twice.  Once a couple weeks after Chris was diagnosed and again before Christmas last year while we went to Toys R Us down the street and I was comfortable that she didn't have to do anything.

    Overall, I'd say she's expressed no interest in learning how care for his diabetes, although she has offered to watch the kids for us.  While I think the kids would enjoy the time with her (she's one of those grandma's that gets down on the floor and plays with the kids - and really enjoys it), I'm not sure I trust her to watch Chris.  Between her not showing interest in his care, and her "flakiness" as I call it, it screams danger to me. 

    I don't know how to talk to her about this since it's not my mom.  And Eric knows the situation but as far as I can tell, has never said anything to her.  I have many months until this could even happen, so wondering how you all would feel about this.  It would definitely help financially to take advantage of this, but I'd be giving up my comfort.  Another thing I consider is that when my mom was watching the kids (she had Chris full time for over a year, and both kids part time for a little over a year), I felt like it really soured our relationship because she did things that really pissed me off and didn't care how I felt about them, so what would this do to my relationship with Eric or my mil?

    Have any of you been in this situation or have advice to offer?
    Sarah

    Mom to:
    Chris, 4 yrs old, dx 11/23/11
    Adam, 2 years, non D
    Pumping with Animas ping 7/26/12
    Using Dexcom G4 9/13/14

    Offline andrea

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    Re: not sure how i feel about this offer
    « Reply #1 on: February 13, 2014, 05:10:38 PM »
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  • Go with your gut instinct.  Things that I would ponder are things like, what if she gets sick or wants to go out of town...what would you do for care then?

    Mom to Annelies, 14 (Dx 18 Mar 08~Pumping MM Oct 08-May 12, Omnipod May 12-Aug 13. tSlim Aug 13+ ~Dexcom Oct 11), Katy, 18 (non-D) and Jory (non-D/US Navy)
    God created wine to keep Army Wives from taking over the world
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    Offline MommyAngela

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    Re: not sure how i feel about this offer
    « Reply #2 on: February 13, 2014, 05:12:19 PM »
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  • 1st - this HAS to be handled by your husband. His mom, his conversation.

    2nd - take her to his next D appt. Have the endo explain that in order to do routine care, she'll need to do the training with them, and she can do it on X, Y or Z day. (Whatever works for them, obviously.) If she's serious about watching the kids, she'll be willing to put in the work. And by putting the endo in the middle of it, it puts her accountability to them, not you.
    Angela, Mom to Elizabeth - 13, Luke - 11, dx 9/30/2006 and Isaiah - 8, dx 6/7/2010 both pumping with T-Slims

    Offline stefaniemsmith1

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    Re: not sure how i feel about this offer
    « Reply #3 on: February 13, 2014, 05:23:25 PM »
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  • I'd definitely let the hubs handle it. And I'd be having him mention that if she were to assume care she'd have to get some in-depth training from the endo before you'd allow it.  I feel like, based on her disinterest thus far, the thought of in depth training will help her change her mind herself.

    Wife to my hero, Kevin
    Mom to Mackenzie (14, T1, DX 9/17/12, Pinging Green)
    & Kayleigh (7, T1, DX 11/20/12, Podding)
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    Offline usbornetheresa

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    Re: not sure how i feel about this offer
    « Reply #4 on: February 13, 2014, 05:50:29 PM »
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  • There's a lot of time where she could become trained if she is serious.
    Theresa
    Mom to Tori (14yo) dx 3/2006
    Pumping with Animas Ping 8/2010
    Dex G4 10/2013
    Michigan
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    Offline Lukesmama

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    Re: not sure how i feel about this offer
    « Reply #5 on: February 14, 2014, 08:30:59 AM »
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  • I agree with all the above.  Great advise. Good luck!
    Amy***Mom to Alex-21, Kayla-21, Austin-19, Luke-18 MDI (DX 09-13-09) & Kelsea-16

    "Let go or be dragged."

    [img]http://www.type1parents.org/SimpleTickers/img.php?pa=6

    Offline janette2005

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    Re: not sure how i feel about this offer
    « Reply #6 on: February 14, 2014, 10:23:03 AM »
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  • My opinion? Keep the daycare. Why? Well, based on my experience, my MIL sounds very similar to yours. And my husband never said anything so it's my call to do it.
    She said she "could" watch them a "few" days during the week. What about if she couldn't? Maybe for her it's important to go shopping, maybe she wants to be w/ her friends, maybe she wants to be alone, maybe ......, so bc you can't predict what she will do, then it's not guarantee she will do it. On top of that, if she gets ill, it's another situation where she would not do it. I know that $$ is a factor that will help you save some. But, is it worth it? IMO, NO. Oh! But maybe she could stay w/ them during the weekends. That would be perfect to bond that relation again. And it will give you some time to do things on your own.
    That's just my 2 cents.


    Janette (Mom of Adrian, dx on 08/25/2005 & Alexander Non D)


    Offline Spurcell922

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    Re: not sure how i feel about this offer
    « Reply #7 on: February 15, 2014, 05:56:08 PM »
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  • My opinion? Keep the daycare. Why? Well, based on my experience, my MIL sounds very similar to yours. And my husband never said anything so it's my call to do it.
    She said she "could" watch them a "few" days during the week. What about if she couldn't? Maybe for her it's important to go shopping, maybe she wants to be w/ her friends, maybe she wants to be alone, maybe ......, so bc you can't predict what she will do, then it's not guarantee she will do it. On top of that, if she gets ill, it's another situation where she would not do it. I know that $$ is a factor that will help you save some. But, is it worth it? IMO, NO. Oh! But maybe she could stay w/ them during the weekends. That would be perfect to bond that relation again. And it will give you some time to do things on your own.
    That's just my 2 cents.

    When I mentioned it to Eric he immediately went to weekends too!

    I'll have to think about it, but I had to take 25 days off for the kids last year for doctor appointments, sick days and snow days.   Because I had actually take. Two or three days for me too I had to take some unpaid.  It would definitely be an additional layer of concern having to worry about her issues with availability for the same things in addition to daycare.  Lots to contemplate. 
    Sarah

    Mom to:
    Chris, 4 yrs old, dx 11/23/11
    Adam, 2 years, non D
    Pumping with Animas ping 7/26/12
    Using Dexcom G4 9/13/14

    Offline oddangela

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    Re: not sure how i feel about this offer
    « Reply #8 on: February 15, 2014, 09:30:43 PM »
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  • When I mentioned it to Eric he immediately went to weekends too!

    I'll have to think about it, but I had to take 25 days off for the kids last year for doctor appointments, sick days and snow days.   Because I had actually take. Two or three days for me too I had to take some unpaid.  It would definitely be an additional layer of concern having to worry about her issues with availability for the same things in addition to daycare.  Lots to contemplate.

    So maybe that would be a good starting place?  Not the sick days right off of course, but the snow days and things like that.  She might make great fill-in care.
    Angela- Mom to S- 8/9/04 (dx 5/4/11)  G- 6/4/08 and L- 4/3/12 and W- 3/18/15

    Offline gsmama

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    Re: not sure how i feel about this offer
    « Reply #9 on: February 16, 2014, 08:58:39 PM »
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  • I just had this conversation with my mom. She said now that my dad is retired and IF my husband ever gets a job that my dad could watch them. I told her no thanks, not as a permanent thing. Then she told me she might be retiring earlier than expected and that should could watch them and I told her the exact same things, No thanks, not as a permanent thing.

    My kids are with my mom and dad regularly, I have faith that they could take care of them, but I don't want our relationship to turn into that. I want them to be grandparents.
    Leslie in New Jersey: mom to ava 11 (non-d) and giovanni 13 (dx'd T1D 7/25/07 and Celiac 1/14)

    Offline kcbscrapper

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    Re: not sure how i feel about this offer
    « Reply #10 on: February 28, 2014, 08:20:57 AM »
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  • Do you pay daycare by the day or by the week? 
    If by the day could you try doing one day a week with MIl if she goes through D training.  One day a week would give her the time with the kids on a set schedule and would keep her in practice for snow days and other emergencies as needed.
     My mom watches my nieces child as a backup, but it is kind of hard when she only sees her when she is sick or when their are issues...plus very disruptive to moms schedule since she can't plan ahead.  Of course mom loves any chance to spend with her.



     


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